Titty Sling Gurl….

Almost a year ago I shared some short stories about my time in the retail industry on reddit, and people actually liked them, so I figured why not give more people a chance to laugh at my misfortune :) CCW is appreciated :)

Part One of Eight

Smelly Snatch & Mannequin Molester

The most shocking to me was when this older couple (50-60) came in reeking of black and milds and booze (more so the wife than the husband). The wife who had scraggly blonde hair, missing teeth, loose skin dripping everywhere from a recent weight loss and all around bad personal hygiene asked me to fit her for a bra cause it had been upwards for 10 years since she had bought a bra, always willing to help I happily agreed. We go into the fitting room and before I know it she strips her top half and lifts her arms to reveal long (and i mean loooooong) tangled underarm hair so I measure her, tell her size and she seems delighted. So I leave her in the room and I go select a couple bras for her, once I leave the room I see her husband caressing the mannequins vagina and staring at its arse. I let it go and go on the hunt for bras, while I’m looking he then starts yelling, quite loudly i may add, at how much would I be willing to sell the “pretty young blonde” for. I politely told him they weren’t for sale etc etc but he still kept asking, caressing, and even sniffing the life sized mannequin. So I smiled nodded and went back in to cater to his wife. When I got in there she asked since I had measured her bust would I kindly measure her waist and hips cause she’d like to know, once again I agreed with a smile. I was at her waist told her the number and she got so excited (ya know cause of the weight loss). I squatted down do reach her hips and BOOOOOM. She pulls down her elastic banded mum jeans, to reveal her large flurry, matted muff. About 4inches in front of my face was this woman’s vagina, she was not wearing underwear…Obviously I couldn’t do anything to upset her (sensitive job and whatnot) so I continued measuring around the sagging skin, trying not to touch anything I didn’t have to and then the smell hit me. It was that old foosty, musty, old sock smell mixed with a fish market and some strong perfume. I held my breath and told her the measurement and stood up so fast I got a head rush. I then left her to her own devices to try on and went to get some sanitizer for my hands. Of course the husband was still chatting up the mannequin but I just smiled and nodded at him and went about my business til she was done.

TL;DR Old foul smelling couple comes in for a fitting, husband feels up/molests the mannequins and I get face time with the wife’s vagina.

tittyslinggurl retailstories reddit shortstories talesfromretail misfortune lingerie bra stories retail tits writing writer idontknowhowtousehastags

I have always wanted to start a blog/write seemingly meaningless updates for strangers I do not know on the interwebs, so I sifted through this revolving page and removed the immediate eyesores and for the third time I have decided to give my beloved abandoned tumblr a fresh start; only this time I’ll stick to it.

freshstart tumblrrevamp

It’s 3am and you find yourself sitting drinking, watching a movie about drinking while someone who has already drank is snoring on the other couch…The previous night this would have sounded like a great idea but now you realize how dull it is. You want to go home but then realize there’s no one to go home to,you don’t have somebody to love. It kills your mood. You decide to drink a little more hiding behind the cloak of a laptop pretending like everything is peachy, when in reality you feel hopeless. You have less than an hour before the taxi arrives and you have to pack the rest of your gifts along with the pajamas you didn’t put on. You have to take your mask back off the shelf and put it on to go “home”.

homesick resentment

I always feel so dirty being self sufficient but I’d rather be dirty than guilt ridden for relying on others…except if its for alcohol, I openly accept donations in bottle form.

I always feel so dirty being self sufficient but I’d rather be dirty than guilt ridden for relying on others…except if its for alcohol, I openly accept donations in bottle form.

I went to the fountain of youth today. Whilst I was bathing in the bitter-cold fresh water I smoked a cigarette and as I looked down at the fish dancing around me I wondered where I actually was.

I went to the fountain of youth today. Whilst I was bathing in the bitter-cold fresh water I smoked a cigarette and as I looked down at the fish dancing around me I wondered where I actually was.

Anonymous asked:

Your blog is wonderful.

Further Answer:

Thank you kindly, I should keep up with it more but I’m too busy dreaming of men who are dead whilst singing at the bottom of a bottle xxx

I was born in the wrong era but that’s ok; time is relative.

I was born in the wrong era but that’s ok; time is relative.

19 years old and homeless. It’s the most beautifully depressing thing I’ve ever encountered.